So, I wore this getup the other day. It was a mistake.
The dress was wonderful; 3/4 length sleeve, mock turtleneck, right below the knee length. Black.
The spanx-y girdle underneath was ONCE wonderful. Seems a little elastic collapsation has occured and momma had a lot of wedge-a-mite sandwiches all. day. long.
Bra was good.
SLIP. Ugh. So, let's just go back in time a little. I loathe slips. My mother is an old-fashioned Mom who believes in slips, wearing something on your feet already or you'll get a splinter or catch a cold, and writing thank-you notes. I totally agree with her on all counts excepts I have strategically shopped, over time, for things that do not require slips. You have a slip built-in? Sweet! You have a camisole-like spanxy thing that is part of the dress? You can't see the light of day through my legs? Nice nice nice. I'm in.
Well I bought the dress 'sight unseen' so to speak. I didn't try it on.
There were 87 people in line to try their stuff on, and from a quick glance I determined that each person had 129 items. So I just bought it and went home.
Okay, so...it's morning. It's a work morning (read: I need to be on time). Makeup is on. Hair is did. Teeth are brushed, lunch is packed. Yada. Yada. Yada.
Dress! Here comes the dress! I'm excited for the dress. I can wear fun hoop earrings and a cool scarf and I! Shaved! My! Legs! (honestly, this is the reason I ended up wearing the dress in the end. Who wastes shaved legs?).
So, on goes the dress. On goes the slip. Which I bought on purpose because of it's shorter length so it wouldn't peeakaboo under the dress. I didn't do that last part right though, because it was a bit too long. And it would show.
But I shaved my legs! On a work morning with 35 minutes to get ready I had shaved my legs. And moisturized them. I was wearing this dress, dammit.
So. I took a deep breath and pulled a move only 7th grade girls do when they just don't know better and their mothers haven't seen what they're up to.
I tucked the slip under my bra.
You know, it would have actually worked. BUT, the spanx issue had me picking all day. AND I pee. A LOT. I really pee a lot.
So, if you can imagine the breakdown and reassembly of the outfit. Remove scarf, untuck slip from bra, etc. etc. Then put humpty dumpty back together again and think, every time, 'Why the hell did I wear this in the first place? My friggin' slip is tucked under MY BRA.'
Anyway.
My legs were smooth.
