Tagnanimous

See, 'tagging' is fun because it's groovy to learn new things about people you already know. Dontcha think?



My friend Diane gave me this, but in truth her friend Michelle did as well as my buddy from Florida, Carolyn.



1. Ten Years Ago....In 1998 -



I had just started my teaching career in Boston and was beginning my Masters Degree program. I was living in South Boston and really enjoying being 23 and having very few responsibilities. I jogged around Castle Island or rollerbladed with my buddy Heather. We went out for beers (Cider Jacks, please!) and plates of nachos at the Boston Beer Garden and talked about cute boys and which night club had the best music. Aaah, youth.



OH, and then I went and fudged it up by deciding to move in with my sponge boyfriend. Doh!



2. Five Things On Today's 'To - Do' List:

-Decide if I'm going to playgroup or not (will it rain? will I get lost again?)

-Plan and execute 3 meals. And clean up after them. Good Lord, I need an assistant.

-Go to the library, exchange books.

-Walk.

-Go through bins of clothing for our new niece who's visiting! Oh. And clean the floors. And go through the 42 magazines I have and kid myself by snipping out new recipes that I'll (never) try. And hang the laundry. And check Perez Hilton. I think that's more than 5.





3. Food I Enjoy:

-my homemade macaroni and cheese. Listen, I know only children are supposedly (or supposebly or supposively) really proud (read: obnoxious) about their achievements but this is really fantastic. Like, cheesy but crispy and crunchy on the top good. Like, please portion it out for me because I can't be trusted to not eat the tray good.



-an organic pear



-Jared's BBQ ribs.



-mom's lemon chicken with capers



-Samantha's gluten free brownies. They have chunks of chocolate in them. And they're like $34 a box, so they have to be good right?









4. Things I Would Do If I Were A Millionaire...



-Pay off mortgage

-Make sure the girls have money for college and wedding receptions

-hook our families UP and take a huge family vacation

-new cars, new pool

-buy more real estate/invest





5. Places I Have Lived...

-Cape Cod

-Florida

-South Boston

Mr. Bojangles...

We went to our favorite pizza joint last night...just the two of us! Babysitter, check. Happy and well-fed children with clean teeth, check. House picked up enough to not be embarassing, check.

We were in for a long wait, (and subsequently a visit to another spot but that's another story) but there was plenty to talk about. I think it would have been better having a chat with my hubby at the bar with a cold beer versus with my back up against the lotto machine (which was all lit up and subsequently very warm to stand against,) but the beer would come later.

In walks an old co-worker of mine from when I taught in Boston. I remembered him being very nice, a good guy. Single dad, not really on the prowl but probably really wanted to find a woman kind of guy. A bit dim, though. If I'm being honest.

So, in he walks. I picture myself going up to him (I picture things in my head like this sometimes before I do something, which in some cases like this one, is a really good idea) and introducing myself. I would say 'Hey! Did you teach at the Renaissance School downtown? Yeah, yeah. I worked with you in 1998, I think. Yes, yes. How are you? I remember you had a son, how's he doing? Oh yeah, I live in town, I'm here with my husband. (It wasn't going to be one sided but you know, to abbreviate it for you). Honey, meet so and so.'

So and so. I couldn't think of his name. I didn't want to struggle through that, and moreso I wasn't sure if I was interested in a quasi-reunion. I'm on date night. I missed chatting with my husband and I needed his attention as I was going to drop the suggestion that we needed a fence. So, I was focused. And I'm watching him and telling Jared about him and

oh.

oh.

He shook his parts a little. You know, the little leg thing that guys do to separate their man parts from their inner thigh that they think is totally inconspicuous and something we don't notice. And it's okay, really. I mean, it's 85 degrees out and his balls are sticking to his legs, I get it. But, it's when he went in with the hand jiggle for the 'Mr. Bojangles' , I started to think....perhaps I don't want to shake that hand. Maybe it's better if I just stand over here and watch the Red Sox All Star game.

He gets some popcorn. Greasy hands. (Yes, this is me. A bit OCD, but I have to think about this stuff. I don't want his popcorn-machine greasies on my hands.) Oooh, piece of a kernel stuck between some teeth. Fingers to pick it out. Sucking on fingers to get grease off. Perhaps I'm really all set with an awkward reu-

oh.

oh!

The hand has lifted the shirt to scratch the belly. It's not good. It's not good. Not at all. Pas du tout. Picture Matthew McConaughey lifting his shirt to scratch his belly and that think of something exactly the opposite of that. Oh dear. I now definitely do not want said reunion, nor do I want that hand touching mine. He walks to the other side of the bar. Leg move, again. My husband chimes in, "Was he always Joey Badda-badleg?" or something like that which has me in stitches. He, fellow-man, has picked up on the side-leg ball-release.

Now listen. I know that it's not a big deal. I know people pick their teeth and lick their fingers and scratch their bare bellies and adjust their private parts and it's fine. But I am, at some level, Jenny-Judger. Just pick your parts and your popcorn and your belly lint off at home. Really.

Where is that beer? My back is sweating against this lotto machine and I think Joe Bag O'Treats just figured out who I was.

Old Navy and their Crotchery

Dude. I can't even begin to tell you about my search for a pair of shorts this summer. It's painstakingly long and probably pretty boring for you unless you too share my long-crotched 'heavy about the leg' issue. It's three fold: I don't like to show my girly parts (read: this), I like for shorts to be breezy (as they are shorts for chrissake, I have capris already but it's July and there is sweat running down my leg), and I want to breathe normally when wearing them (read: not this).

If I'm being honest (and I like to do that), I'll look back and see that this short battle is not a new one entirely. Even as a heavier lass, I had the same issues with shorts. I even wore men's shorts (back in my Friendly Peanut Butter Cup Sundae all the time with Meghan but totally unfair that she wasn't fat Days) to deal with these issues. The truth? I'm cool with my situation. And by situation, I mean how my body looks. I am not trying to cut out favorite summer ice cream treats, I'm not abstaining from a cold beer on a hot day because of the 130 calories, I'm not even stressing about the size on my pants. I'm cool. BUT, I want to wear a good pair of shorts without people being able to read my horoscope, if you know what I mean.

Jen, we see from the pull on your crotch that you are a Sagittarius. You like moderate walks on the beach followed by a slushie. You enjoy scrapbooking but only when you do it about once a month. You are musically inclined, but you haven't really picked up your $500 (!!!!!) guitar since you bought your first home. You want to forget the year 2001, for the most part. You are fierce with a makeup brush. You are hairy about the chin area, but you make up for it with good teeth.

Etc.

So, I go on the search. The search actually is spread out (unfortch) over 4 separate shopping visits. The first three obviously unsuccessful, almost involving tears and maybe one frantic phone call to a friend (unfairly unfat Meghan) about why Old Navy makes shorts for people who have a two inch long crotch area. Or, crotchery. The search did include a Steven Tyler sighting at the Apple Store at Derby Streets. He was there with his girlfriend who tongued him mid-store so that everyone knew that his 85 pound bag of botoxed bones was HERS and she wasn't sharing. For the record, don't feel too bad for him because I was a meanie. He'll be okay. And he has 1456 gagillion dollars so I'm sure he'd be cool with it. Anyway, it seems that on the Old Navy assembly line, the women's shorts got mixed up with the junior's shorts...or even the children's shorts. I don't know. I can conjecture though that they did not try these shorts (and when I say these, I mean all. of. them.) on any woman that had given birth or had even really been able to give birth if you feel me.

Finally, after 5 stores and probably (honest!) 50 pairs of shorts. I found them. And bless their little hearts, they come in vanity sizes. That's right: when you know deep in your crotch that you are NOT that size, but the shorts fit? So, I fell for it. Docker's favorite fit denim shorts in a totally fun little size, you are the summer staple. I heart you and don't even care that you are lying through your denimy stretch teeth so that I'll buy more of you.

4th of July!