But it's a MAGIC Bullet!

I have a problem.

With infomercials.

It's been going on for awhile now, but I've kept it in check for years. Mostly because I have a husband who would either A) laugh me out of town or B) remind me that we are a one and a quarter income family. I will say that over the years I've found some wonderful products. May I?

TaeBo: Billy Blanks is a surprise here. Not a fluent speaker, sweatier than most should be, and apparantly hung like a clydesdale (tight biker shorts, not insider scoop!). But actually a really challenging workout. I bought the VHS tapes and they are hidden somewhere with hair ties from 5th grade and journals about who I wanted to kiss (I'm not telling....you'd probably find them and poke them on facebook).

Juiceman Juicer: Sigh. One of my many attempts at drastic, effortless weight loss. After a small investment in bags of apples and carrots, it also went into a box of the great unknown.

BodyFlex (this will hurt me considerably, especially when Jason P gets ahold of it....but I must live and sacrifice for my craft!). Wow, another get skinny-quick scheme. The concept of your body using oxygen to remove inches from your body by exhaling in a freakishly exaggerated and loud manner, inhaling sharply, and putting your body and/or face into a strange position to get the most extreme inch-dropping results. (This worked, I sweartogod....but honestly, I just got ridiculed so hard that I laughed through each pose, so I moved on to the Tae Bo).

Asparagus Diet Pills: sigh. You think your urine smells sharp after your morning go? I match you and raise you.

Proactiv. It works. Seriously. As a matter of fact, I'll be digging out some repair lotion soon. I imagine you'd do that too if your three-year-old looked at your chin, pointed to an incident, and asked you if you got a boo-boo. From a hammer.

The Firm exercise series. Would you like to know about the Original Series? The Fanny Lifter series? The Transfirmer? I have them all.

The PedEgg: your at-home pedicure! Little mini razors painlessly remove dead skin from your feet! Unless you have a problem with moderation and get down to the bone.

P90X: this is my latest fitness obsession. It's excellent. It's rigorous. I'm taking a break b/c I blew my back out, but I do believe that I bounced back quickly because of this program. We call it P90WD40 because it's more fun (KT! Excellent Description Vernacular!). I may dig this out again soon, especially where aforementioned three year old who said, "Mommy, maybe you can fit in the swing if you get tinier!"

Magic Bullet; I actually didn't purchase this. But bless Jared's heart because he listened to me extol the virtues of the magic bullet super salad slicer, and bread maker, and special blade for shredding carrots. "Babe! We can make HUGE salads in like 45 seconds! We can dice those potatoes for Sunday morning breakfast in like under a minute (and undo all the salad work because we do potatoes by frying them) and honey I can totally make bread for Peanut because it mixes the dough right inside the bowl thingy and we can keep it gluten free!"

I talked myself off the ledge but did manage to hook myself up with a juicer. So I'm technically back to square one, I suppose. But I'm smarter and less-inclined to buy really crazy things. But have you seen the Sham Wow? I mean, it looks incredible. Let me know.