Some days, you get lots of taps on the shoulder. You get lots of nudges, bordering on shoves. You see how beautiful your life is. You see how the ugly and hard mixes in and makes it, somehow, even more beautiful. You see where the stops and starts were, and how you obsessed and over-analyzed them; you can seem them marbled in the foundation like they were part of the plan all along. Which of course they were.
And perhaps it's moments of clarity, or finally getting over yourself and seeing that it's all layed out it front of you, every single day, and the only thing really getting in the way is you and your head. Notions, ideas, criticism; they all are flies in the ointment.
It was one of those days for me today. I was able to see it right in front of me: my daughters have their hands in mine with peanut butter stuck in the cracks of their perfect mouths, some of my oldest and dearest friends are jumping into the next part of their lives with wide-open hearts (and fear in their back pockets), my father is out of the hospital, my husband is installing a second bathroom (what!), and the sun is out on Cape Cod.
So tomorrow I'll try my best to remember how it looks and feels, with sand in my hair and little girls who can't imagine that life could get any better. Well, ice cream. Ice cream would make it better. But that's about it.
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