I've been flying high lately. Two healthy babies, a good strong marriage, great friends and a summer of get togethers and warm evenings on my back deck. Yesterday I attended a graduation party for a good friend's sister. Family and friends flanked the sideyard, catching up on old times and congratulating the new grad. Kids jumped in the large inflated 'jumpy' and sported that red and sweaty face of childhood. Our friend's husband (okay, he's our friend too, check out his awesome music site, so talented) played tunes for the crowd and the whole afternoon just drifted by like those nights on our back deck, smooth and effortless. Well, not effortless I guess. We have a toddler who loved running around, and an infant who took naps between feedings. Our hands were full but we didn't even notice it, we had such a good time. At one point in the afternoon, my hubby took the 17 month old for a walk around the yard and the grad took my baby to snuggle. She's one of those people that you can give a baby to and trust her completely...she loves babies and she KNOWS babies. So I sat alone for a minute, under that crowded tent. And I watched. I watched my husband dancing with my toddler and the smile on her face that showed every tooth, even the ones not in yet. I watched our friend's sister show off my baby and keep her close to her chest, marveling at her little eyelashes just like a mommy would. And that's when it hit me.
I didn't miss out.
After a long, failed relationship, I drifted for awhile. I sat and watched my good friends enjoy the life I thought I was headed toward; healthy marriages and the blessing of children. I was sincere in my happiness for them. I was elated when I heard of engagements and pregnancies. There was no bitterness in my heart. But I was sad too, because I wanted to have those moments, and I was afraid that maybe I wouldn't. I'm always so grateful for the people in my life. It isn't lost on me. But it occurred to me yesterday that I was not on the sidelines, cheering for those around me. I was on the field, I was running. I was in the game.
I graduated too, I guess.
4 comments:
This posting brought both tears and hope. I am on the sidelines waiting to join the game and now I know it will happen in its own time. Thanks for the eye opener.
Missing you,
Jenine
The sidelines . . . they're still part of the game . . .just not the game you wanted to be in. I'm glad you're winning this game!
Awesome post.
Absolutely stunning writing. I am humbled by your thoughts.
And this was needed for me today.
I need to count a few blessings. A few have fallen away in the past couple of days.
I will try to graduate, too.
(Also, my daughter was at Joe's daughter's birthday party Friday... small world.)
oh my goodness, this made me cry. Good stuff.
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