Poop

Poop. It's the new black. It starts of course when you're a new parent and you analyze every single diaper to ensure that you're giving your baby enough milk (or formula or a hybrid). Did she do two poops today? Check. Did she wet 10 diapers today? Check. Sigh. Okay, we're not starving her...fabulous. You then start to shove your face into your baby's shorts with wild abandon...no shame at all. If you can't tell, you'll peek. It's all part of becoming a parent, and poopspeak becomes part of your everyday vernacular. Example:

"Hey baby...how's the day going so far?"

"It's good. She went down for about 45 minutes and ate like a banshee when she got up."

"Cool. How are her poops?"

"Well, the first one was like a rocket. I had to do the laundry and give her a bath because it was up her back and in the folds of her neck. Smelled kinda sweet though. The second one was like a huge lump...really stinky. It took like 3 wipes to clean that up....it was stuck to her bum, must have been her formula poop."

"Good, good. What do you want for dinner?"

And so it goes. You can easily differentiate those who know poop and those that only know their own poop. If they get a wiff of your kid, their nose looks scrunched up and you can tell they're offended and horrified and wish the hell you'd just clean it up, and fast. I will say, for the record, that this very idea was squashed when my singleton New Yorker friend not only woke up with my toddler (I was sleeping with the newborn), but cleaned her VERY poopy morning bum. And you know how those can be. Fragrant and mushy. Niiiiice. (Thanks Kathryn).

So lately, our oldest has a bit of a thing. She's been sick, you see, and although she's on the mend, it's been all about her poop. We talk about her poop ad naseum, and for good reason. It's really all about the texture. Too much liquid means she could be getting dehydrated. Too little liquid and I feel the need to trick her into drinking Pedialyte. It's an interesting twist on pillow talk.

"How many poops today? I mean, I got three so were there any more?"

"Yeah, she had that doozy after dinner. Remember? We had to give her a bath right away. We had to do two rinses."

"Oh right. It's funny...she made that face at the dinner table...you know, her face got all red and her eyes watered. She was holding on to her little booster seat, I think her knuckles were white."

"Haaaa. So, eh....you look pretty nice tonight..."

Or something like that.

I know this is temporary. But the poopspeak will continue, I mean..we have potty training right around the corner! I can imagine after that, too, we'll keep talking about it. "Did you do a poop in the potty?", and the like.

So for now I'll stay in the moment, and enjoy my times with my girls on the changing table...making funny faces and singing poopy songs. Before I know it, they'll be wearing big girl underpants and wanting time alone in the bathroom.

Hold on...I smell something.