Up On An Airplane

I was on an airplane last week when I visited my folks in Florida. This time, though, I went with the girls. No husband. No right-hand man. No co-parent. Yes, my folks were helpful, but it was just different, you know? Anyway, so I'm on my way down south and I'm geared up with:

-DVD player with 3 videos (names provided by my two year old: Peekaboo Show, Circle Show, Milo Otis Show)

-IPOD with kid playlist including any and all nursery rhymes. By the way, some of these are the most hideous things ever written. What about Wee Willie Winkie? Running all over town...in his nightgown...wondering if your kids are in their beds? That would get you jail time now. I digress.

-Gluten-free snacks aplenty

-Three bottles of formula for the baby

-Some grub for me (read: whatever the kids don't eat)

-Beverages for toddler. I will not drink her leftovers. LOTS of backwash.

-And, all my crap (itinerary, birth certificates, cell phone, lip gloss, hair ties, gum, etc)

My friend had outfitted me with this super duper 5 point restraint addendum to the seat belt. It worked well but really ticked Sam off. She was kind of shellacked to the seat. Anyhoo, I thought I had prepped myself well for the 7:20 am flight by curtailing beverages so as to avoid the whole bathroom scenario. How would I be able to go? Who would I bring? Who would I leave? It was a bit of a conundrum and it made me a bit anxious, so I just didn't drink anything that morning. But, my pea-sized bladder prevailed and at some point, I had to go.

Don't think I don't realize that many of my posts are about pee and poop. It's how I roll lately, can't help it.

So, I engage one of the lovely flight attendants who happily sits with my super-duper strapped in toddler, and off I go to the mini-lavatory clearly built with an eight year old's body type in mind. I am holding my one year old...thinking...how am I to make this work? Put her on the floor? Narsty narsty no. Hold her while I go? Nope. My ass will be in full-hover mode. No touchy touchy. How about I hold her while I hover? Impossible. BUT, what about the sink. Yes, yes. It's like a mini baby-seat, really. It's probably what the engineers had in mind when they build this chamber-like chamber pot.

Here's how it lays out. Mom is hovering with thighs that haven't seen a squat in...er...about 3 years. Daugher partially in sink. Mom uses head as leverage to hold baby in said sink while she finishes up, thinking..."Please don't remember this."

All in all, the flight down was relatively painless. The flight home is another story.